i woke up like this

I have the wrong accent

to be smart

to be wise

to be worldly

to be interesting enough

to be enough

enough

 

as much or as many as required–determiner

to the required degree or extent–adverb

to a moderate degree, fairly

use for emphasis

used to express an impatient desire for the cessation or undesirable behavior or speech–exclamation

English, Germanic, related to Dutch origin

 

they slow down

drag out their vowels

nasal whine

no shoes

jack-o-lantern teeth

inbreeding

gold in them-there hills

banjo pickers

sunburned necks

two plus two equals less than

less than

enough

 

I’d like to kick off my ‘apology tour’ with a short thought on jack-o-lantern teeth

dumb jokes about reluctant, lazy, lack of dentistry

what is not a joke is

lack of money

lack of insurance

presence of insurance yet still a lack of funding

middle-aged women who let themselves go untreated, un-tended to, let themselves go…

so that their babies can be better taken care of

because what is not a joke is

sometimes, here in the real world, mothers and fathers and grandparents end up feeling forced to make sacrifices

like going without so someone they love doesn’t have to

but I guess THAT isn’t as easy to laugh at, maybe

when middle-aged retired used car dealers sit around sipping Starbucks and eating sugary pastries with their perfect, white, straight teeth, laughing, smiling, fearlessly,

in front of the bus stop where the 34-year-old shivers in the dirty sneakers from last ‘back to school’ over a decade ago

“I guess she should have made better choices”

Let me get this straight, I once asked a drunken old lady in a chat room

she prattled on and on about free-market-capitalism, how rich and successful she was, and ranted night and day about how she sits up at night afraid the government is going to try and take her money away from her

So you make good choices, go to college and you’re successful OR you don’t and you’re a bum and a loser, that’s the narrative, right?

“Give me one good reason a grown adult should ever find himself in a position where he has less than $10 in his pocket,” she said.

I threw my arms up

Payday is tomorrow and the fridge is empty? 

I thought this was real life

I thought this was reality

I didn’t know this is only reality for bums and losers

I feel as if someone has just taken a rag to my muddy windshield

No…I feel as if someone has taken mud to my cracked windshield

Sometimes people are not perfect and situations are mostly not perfect and you have to make do with the resources you have…

I learned that when I was what? Five?

Not very old but old enough. 

I used to see someone with ‘bad teeth’ smile and it pained me

it reminded me that sometimes people have to do without

it reminded me of being a kid and seeing older people with mouth pain

can’t eat what they want

walking around holding the side of their face

oww

it made me sad

I sat on my bed in the dark

24 years old

thinking…

one day I’m going to look at a crooked, imperfect, non-designer smile

and I’m going to smile so big, from the inside out

not because I get the joke

because a joyful smile is a joy, in general

something to rejoice in

something to be happy about

to be proud of

to celebrate

one day I will look at what used to haunt me and hurt my heart

and I’m going to break down and cry, tears of pure bliss

God is good.

This is a gift.

God-given.

and without it, I might just have ended up one of those soulless superficial sugary pastry slobbering trolls

who laugh at other peoples pain

who rejoice in evil

who do not feel compassion for the least of these

who judge people based on their outward exterior

not by who they are on the inside

by the light that glows from within

brightens the darkness

stars in the night sky

Christmas lights on the front stoop, surrounded by trash bags and pizza boxes

a candle in the window of a dilapidated 1970’s singlewide in the back lot of the shadiest trailer park in the scary corner of the wrong side of town, midnight

it is warm

the best kind of warm

tiny flicker flame surrounded by ice and frost, cloud of fog in front of your mouth when you breath cold

it is warm

it keeps me warm

the love I have

it gives me hope when I used to feel hopeless

so much hope

the required degree

enough

 

My second stop on this adventure is a short but sweet opinion

banjo music?

organic,

acoustic

melodious?

Beautiful.

 

Pit-stop points?

If a neck is red from sunburn because the human attached to the neck is laboring in the sun,

there is something to be said for this human,

he or she is working.

There is NOTHING shameful about work.

Doing your best.

trying!

We talk slow

we are not in a hurry

polite

mannerly

patient

laid-back?

sometimes

(and sometimes Uncle-Brother has had one too many beers and it is taking him a while to process what’s going on so he talks slow to buy himself some time between questions)

just because we talk slow

does not mean we are slow

Inbreeding? I won’t even bother…

Hollywood movies about how backwards people who are perceived to be ‘nothing like you’ are. Who does this shock?

My grandmother quit school in 7th grade to raise her brothers and sister while her parents were working,

she could STILL do basic math,

and she could tell you a million and one things you never learned from a textbook

 

Final stop?

Stop. Exclamation!

Enough. Exclamation!

imitation is not a sincere form of flattery

when the imitation is exaggerated in attempt to make the subject look or sound less than

dumb

ignorant

intolerant

simple

simple-minded

gross

obnoxious

unattractive

incapable

unqualified

the mirror tells such tales, but the tales are not so tall

I once read on a church sign out front “When you belittle, you be little.”

this helps

when someone makes fun of the way I talk,

I shake my head side to side and genuinely feel sad for the accuser

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

And I am.

I truly am.

 

Because I am not all that educated, I had to look up the definition of ‘cessation’

the fact or process of ending or being brought to an end

 

#nowplaying #morganwallen #thewayItalk

 

 

2 thoughts on “i woke up like this

    1. Thank you 🙂 I bend words? :O That makes me sound so powerful! 😀 I like it. I’m going to be a witch for Halloween, you know. Well, at least the silly caricature version from cartoons and movies. Hope everything is good with you and your family survived the storms okay.

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